Sometimes you just have to laugh at blatant errors in headlines and other times the wording is so comical you wonder how it ever got past the editor. I think one of the first things which is required of a headline and even article for that matter is correct spelling. I know I am the last one to talk about this, but I am not running a professional newspaper with a large staff of editors. One headline which caught my eye was “Missippi’s Literacy Program Shows Improvement.” How could any newspaper let something like this get past them?

Another headline was about Princess Diana. It stated “Diana was still alive hours before she died.” Well yeah! One foreign newspaper referring to a presidential election stated “Ford, Reagan Neck In Presidential Primary.” I didn’t even know they knew each other that well. Even the bigger American newspapers have their share of errors, take this headline from a big New York City newspaper, “Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.” I would think it would be zero after age 19.

Some of these headlines you really have to wonder about. One real beauty states, “Worker suffers leg pain after a crane drops 800 ball on his head.” I wouldn’t think the man would be in any pain after that. Another article stated, “17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree.” Thank goodness, I sure would hate to see them jump up and run out of there.

One famous news network ran a headline asking the burning question, “Chuck Norris Facts Are They True?” Well let’s see what some of these so called facts are. The first one states while other children were playing in sand Chuck Norris played in concrete. Another one says there has never been a video game made about Chuck Norris, because nobody controls Chuck Norris. The last one I will quote is Chuck Norris’s vehicle doesn’t run on gas so he doesn’t worry about high gas prices, because his vehicle runs on fear. No my friends I don’t think it was necessary to list the question are Chuck Norris facts true.

Talk about stating the obvious, one newspaper headline stated, “Researchers: Overeating can set stage for obesity.” I have to wonder how much this study cost the taxpayer. Another headline proclaimed, “A nuclear explosion would be a disaster.” Thanks for telling us.

There are also unexplainable headlines which just seemed to go on forever such as, “Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar.” This stunning headline appeared in a British newspaper. I’m surprised they had the room to print it, it probably took up more room than the actual story.

One newspaper headline proudly proclaimed, “People don’t want to die, Doctor finds.” I wonder how much time the doctor had to put in to reach this conclusion. Here is a rather ghoulish headline, it contains the burning question, “How to prepare pets for Thanksgiving.” All I have to say about this headline is I will take Turkey any day.

In the do-it-yourself column of a local newspaper a headline read, “Hanging Yourself Could Be Painful So Get A Pro To Do It.” I don’t think I want anybody to hang me right now, but if I want to be hung later I’ll call Doctor Kevorkian. Here is something I bet you never knew, “Health Officials: Pools, Diarrhea Not Good Mix.” That’s what I call an educational headline.

They say the bridges in this country are falling down, one bridge has no problem at all because, “Red tape holds up bridge”. Well they’ve done it again folks, talk about an erroneous and insensitive headline, “One-Armed Man Applauds The Kindness Of Others.” This goes right along with another headline which stated, “Midget Sues Grocer, Sites Belittling Remarks.” Then there is the heading, “Slowdown Continues To Accelerate.”

One headline sent shivers down my spine because it stated, “Students Cook & Serve Grandparents.” A newspaper revealed the following headline, “Police: Crack Found In Man’s Buttocks.” Maybe he can get it repaired? A newspaper headline stated, “Army vehicle disappears.” The next sentence seems to explain it all and states, “An Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage.” Well, no wonder. One of my favorite headlines is “City unsure why the sewer smells.”

Here is a scientific headline for you, “Breathing oxygen keeps us alive.” I sort of figured that one out. Here is a headline you can take any way you want, “Dam Road Sign Keeps Disappearing.” You have to feel sorry for some people especially these guys, “Fire destroys go-go bar and leaves 4 men homeless.” Now for some medical advice you can get from headlines in newspapers, “Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances.” One would think that a governor would care about the health of the people in his state but this one goes above and beyond according to this recent headline which states, “Governor will help people with gas.”